Taking Control Of Negative Thoughts

I think the first thing to acknowledge is that we all experience thoughts that are negative and filled with self-doubt.

In some instances it becomes very difficult to logically and rationally move on from the nagging thoughts – they become all invasive and begin to change the way we view ourselves and how we believe that others perceive us.

Anxiety and depression are very easy states of mind to slip into – negative thoughts can lead to lacking in confidence, low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, addictions and conditions such as OCD (Obsessive compulsive disorder).

There are two exercises that I would like you to work through in order to take back control.

Neither are magic sessions, so they need practice and work, with the exception of the intervention of logosynthesis, most things that are worthwhile take a bit of effort.

The first exercise involves recording your negative thoughts as they happen, so record:

The situation

The thought/s

The feeling/s

When you are in this state of anxiety you will not be able to think rationally, so for now keep recording until you have around 6 examples.

Then, when you are feeling happier or clearer ask your brain to apply some logical thought, literally.

Re-frame the original thought or thoughts and what is almost the exact opposite. Some people like to use a 3rd party and think to themselves what would ‘X’ think in this scenario. Work face to face with your coach if you struggle to gain clarity at this stage.

Record the new re-framed thought and see what you feel.

Record the new feeling.

Writing this down is advisable in the first place – ultimately you will be able to think this way as and when the thoughts happen or near to.

Keep practicing!

Our minds are full of all sorts of thoughts good, bad, positive and negative – fundamentally we need you to be able to record-reframe until you become used to thinking in a more balanced fashion.

Exercise 2 - Mindfulness

Because our brains are busy the whole time dealing with all manner of stuff. It is very wise to be able to practice mindfulness.

In essence mindfulness will calm your brain down, which inevitably allows you to take control and think logically and clearly.

Mindfulness is centred around training your brain to concentrate on the here and now - not worries about past mistakes, or future problems.

Take an apple and slowly observe it using your senses - what does it look like? What does it feel like? Does it smell? Bite into the apple and again observe the noise, the smell, the taste.

You will notice that during this exercise your brains flits off into other places like a butterfly, don’t be disappointed this is normal – carefully bring you brain back to focus on the apple each time you wonder off. You will hear other noises going on around you again bring yourself back to the apple.

I hope you like apples!! If not find something similar that will allow you to practice.

Then on to breathing – be in a comfortable position laying down, standing sitting a position that is comfortable and not slouching. Make sure your lungs are able to do their job without restriction. Start to observe your breathing – take the count of 3 for you inward breath, hold for 3 then the count of 3 to expel. Again carefully bring your mind back to the task in hand and focus on your breathing 3-3-3.

Focusing on your breathing or your apple will encourage your brain to calm, referring back to exercise one you will be more able to re-frame your thought once you are focused and calm.

Outplacement Coaching/Redundancy Coaching

Outplacement Coaching

Is the organisation you work for going through a period of change? If so, you might be worried about the security of your job.

Losing your job through redundancy can be life-shattering. Since the recession hit in 2008, thousands of organisations have been forced to wind up or make massive staff cuts to save money. It's been a dark few years for Britain's businesses, and no more so than for the victims of those cuts.

Redundancy is often a totally demoralising and stressful experience. Not only do you have to deal with the shock and upheaval of a massive life change and all its side-effects, but you also have to face the mammoth task of re-entering the job market.

Outplacement coaching is a highly-specialised support service for organisations during times of change. A combination of leadership, management and communication coaching gives managers the skills and confidence to deal with the challenging decision process, while CV, interview and career coaching ensures redundant staff move as smoothly as possible to their next job.

What is outplacement coaching?

Outplacement coaching is a specialist support service drafted in when organisations undergo drastic restructuring. Corporate restructuring usually happens when organisations run into financial difficulties and can no longer afford to operate in the same way. Often, this is a nice way of saying a lot of employees are about to lose their jobs. Undoubtedly, this is an emotional time for everyone involved - from the people who no longer have jobs, to those given the unpleasant task of managing the cuts.

To understand the role of outplacement coaching during corporate restructuring, it can help to see the business as an old house in need of renovation, and outplacement coaching as the temporary scaffolding surrounding the structure. Scaffolding allows builders to get around the house, inspect damage, decide what needs to be done and to make the necessary repairs. In the context of corporate restructuring, the role of outplacement coaching is much the same. Coaching allows employers to see the organisation from the outside, to decide which departments or roles need to go and to work out strategies for redevelopment. Outplacement coaching props up the workforce itself by providing a support structure for staff who no longer have a job, before leading them safely to a new role by optimising their skills and employability.

What happens during corporate restructuring?

Organisations go through corporate restructuring when...

• they run into financial difficulties and can no longer afford to run without downsizing
• new technologies mean some staff are no longer needed (e.g. self-service in supermarkets, machinery in factories)
• directors want to adjust focus to just one part of the business, or change direction altogether.

During corporate restructuring, a lot of very difficult decisions have to be made. If certain job roles or departments no longer play a part in the organisation's vision, then the people occupying those roles have to leave. At this point, managers will begin to draw up redundancy procedures.

1. Jobs at risk - The first step in the redundancy procedure is to inform all staff that their jobs may be at risk. This alone can be a stressful time as employees are expected to go back to work as normal, despite knowing they could be out of a job at any moment.

2. Selection process - The next few months will involve numerous tense meetings and one-to-ones during which individuals will be selected for redundancy.

3. Redundancy - Once the decisions have been made, redundant staff are informed of their job loss and the terms of their redundancy (i.e. their entitlements), before leaving to find new work.  

The role of the outplacement coach

While an outplacement coach has multiple roles, the aim is always the same: to make corporate restructuring run as smoothly as possible for everyone involved.
The two main roles of an outplacement coach are:

• To support leaders.
• To support employees.

Outplacement coaching for leaders

Corporate restructuring can be a difficult time for leaders, who must try to keep productivity levels high throughout the selection process. Trying to keep a team focussed and effective at the same time as warning them of potential job loss can be something of a challenge.

An outplacement coach can be called in to assist managers during this stressful time. Specific areas they address include:

• Strategy planning - What do you need? What are the problems? What do you need to do to overcome those problems? Coaching is one of the best techniques for strategically planning.

• Preparation for bad news - How do you go about telling a person they no longer have a job? Coaching can help leaders develop the right approach so they can handle unpleasant situations as sensitively as possible.

• Leadership coaching - Do you need to adapt your leadership approach? Are you being too hard? Too soft? An outplacement coach will be able to assess the situation and advise you on leadership approaches accordingly.

• Communication skills - Communication problems such as misunderstandings, personal tensions and passive aggressive behaviour can make a difficult situation even worse. Ensuring all grievances are out in the open, and knowing how to deal with them, is all part of being a good leader.

• Performance - How do you maximise the performance of your team during times of low morale?

Decision-makers are inevitably seen as the 'bad guys' during the restructuring process. After all, they are the people who decide who keeps their job and who goes. It's natural for employees to feel some level of resentment towards management when they're put in such a powerless position. However, those people chosen to dish out the bad news are of course just doing what they are required to do for the benefit of the business.

Outplacement coaching can help leaders deal with the inevitable emotional side of corporate restructuring so they can deal with matters as fairly as possible without letting feelings get in the way.  

Outplacement coaching for staff

The main purpose of outplacement coaching is to help former staff move swiftly out of the restructured organisation and into another. Coaching can help clients deal with the emotional impact of job loss, the stress of change and the transition process itself.

If you opt for outplacement coaching after being made redundant, you'll have access to the following services:

1. Coming to terms with change

Work is a massive part of life - in fact, we spend most of the first part of our lives preparing for work as we make our way through the education system, and the rest trying to get, keep and do well at the roles we've qualified ourselves for. For some of us, all that time, energy and passion can end rather unceremoniously. Every year, millions of UK jobs simply cease to exist, and the employees who once filled those roles are thrown back onto the job market - often with very little warning.

Coming to terms with job loss, and the massive life changes that come with it, can be a challenge to say the least. People dealing with redundancy often experience a myriad of mental and physical side-effects, including the following:

Grief

For some people, work is more than just a pastime or a money-earner; to them, it's everything. Some people make huge sacrifices to succeed - they neglect other parts of their lives so they can inject every last drop of thought and energy into their work. Love, holidays, families, hobbies - all sacrificed for the career ladder. Imagine then, that all of your hard work ended in someone telling you your skills are no longer needed, and that your job no longer exists. It's easy to see how someone could experience feelings of grief after being made redundant.

Depression

Going from employed to unemployed so unexpectedly can wreak havoc on a person's mental health. When you lose your purpose in life, feelings of inadequacy, boredom and hopelessness can quickly set in - emotions that, if left unchecked for long periods of time, can result in depression.  

Relationship problems

Sudden job loss can have drastic effects on home-life. With work and money comes a certain amount of power and independence. Stripped of those, and it's easy to feel disempowered and inferior. On top of this, people are often forced to sell their houses, give up their hobbies and change their routines to cope with having less money. Resulting shifts in family dynamics can cause tension and lead to arguments among other relationship problems.

Health problems

Searching for a job can take anything from a few weeks to a few years. As a result, some people become increasingly inactive as they spend most of their time trawling for jobs online. On top of this, boredom can also tempt people to eat more than they would otherwise. Inactivity and overeating can soon lead to weight gain, increasing the risk of high blood pressure, diabetes and heart disease among other health problems. 

An outplacement coach will try to help clients deal with the above personal side-effects of job loss, among others.

2. Career coaching

Career coaching is about looking at what you want. What motivates you? What sparks your passion and gets you feeling enthusiastic? Your redundancy could be a great excuse to make a complete career change. Is there something you've always wanted to do? During a career coaching session you will be encouraged to think analytically about your situation so you can come away with a clear objective for moving forward.

3. Build your personal brand

Once you know what you want, it's time to implement a plan for getting there. In order to attract potential employers, you will need to build your personal brand. This essentially means devising a unique selling point, or USP, for yourself. What can you offer? Why should someone employ you? Your outplacement coach will encourage you to write down as much as possible about your skills and strengths. Once you've created your own brand, you have a better chance of producing a concise, focussed CV.

4. CVpreparation

When searching for employment, your CV is your most valuable possession. An excellent CV could be the gateway to the perfect job. Outplacement coaching will help you with CV preparation by providing professional advice.

5. Interviewpreparation

With an excellent CV, your chances of getting an interview should increase. During interview preparation, your outplacement coach will help you:

• prepare answers
• appear confident and capable
• prepare mentally
• think positively about interviews to minimise nerves.

6. Personal marketing

Networking is important when you're looking for a new job - knowing the right people could open up opportunities you'd otherwise completely miss. An outplacement coach will teach you the skills for successful networking, which include interpersonal skills and confidence to approach people, make suggestions and initiate negotiations.

7. Debrief and on-going support

Usually an outplacement coach will offer continued support even once you've found a job. This is to ensure you are settling well into your new role and dealing with the changes at play in your life. If necessary, your coach will continue to offer guidance for as long as six months after you start your new job.

What should I look for in an outplacement coach?

The coaching and support of an outplacement coach can help clients cope during an incredibly stressful time; however, finding the right outplacement coach is essential if you want to get the best outcome from your sessions.

Here are some tips for finding a good outplacement coach:   

• Look for someone with experience as an outplacement or career coach.
• Make sure they have up-to-date knowledge of job-searching and recruitment.
• Look for a high level of coaching qualification, or membership with an appropriate professional body.

Improving your Confidence and Self-esteem

Confidence

Confidence and self-belief are both hugely important in virtually all aspects of our lives, yet though many of us aspire to have more of each, we often struggle to find them. 

Our confidence and the belief we have in ourselves (or lack of) shows in many ways; in our behaviour, our mood and even how we walk and talk. 

Individuals who lack confidence and self-belief will often find that various areas of their lives begin to feel the effects, with relationships, career, lifestyle and state of mind all begin to suffer unless positive action is taken to build upon and improve these important qualities.

Do you lack confidence and self-belief?

If an individual doesn't believe in themselves, who else is going to? The good news for individuals suffering from low confidence and self-worth is that they are both things that can often be developed through confidence coaching. 

The first step is to acknowledge the current level of self-esteem and then find a way to build upon this until confidence and self-worth become deeply ingrained qualities.

Self-confidence and self-esteem are usually considered to be made up of a variety of factors, including social confidence, physical presence, status confidence, stage presence and peer independence. Your body language, your behaviour, how you speak and how you react to different situations can often portray to others how confident you are and how much belief you have in yourself. 

Those with confidence are generally more positive about themselves, whereas those lacking confidence often think negatively about themselves and could benefit from some confidence coaching.

If you are lacking confidence and don’t have much self-belief you may feel:

• shy and uneasy
• uncertain of who you are and what you want
• sense of worthlessness
• negative thoughts about yourself and your abilities
• uncertain of yourself
• unable to relax and enjoy certain situations you’d like to
• little sense of direction in your life.

Alternatively, if you are full of confidence and self-belief you may feel:

• comfortable facing new challenges
• at ease in social situations, and able to be yourself
• excited about new opportunities
• great sense of achievement
• confident about your ideas and opinions
• greater enjoyment of life in general
• respected by other people
• sure of yourself and what you want.

Confidence and self-worth can be developed through confidence coaching either with a professional or by yourself; however it may take some time to build up your current level. The benefits of this are usually enormously rewarding and well worth the effort.

How can life coaching improve my confidence and self-belief?

Life coaches can often help individuals learn different techniques for developing their confidence and self-belief. Coaching is designed to raise an individual’s self-image and help them create a more positive outlook of life and themselves. Life coaching will help you to help you assess your current levels of self-esteem, challenge your beliefs about yourself and help you build a new, positive self-image, with indestructible levels of confidence.

If you truly believe in yourself, so will others. Deeply ingrained confidence and self-worth will make life more enjoyable, exciting and satisfying.

Self-confidence, self-esteem and self-image

While all of these terms combine to describe the way you feel about yourself and your abilities they do have subtle differences and some people can possess different levels of each. For example, you may have high self-confidence, but low self-esteem. 

Self-confidence or self-belief

Self-confidence or self-belief are generally considered to be the way that you feel about your abilities, skills, behaviours and looks. Someone who has a high level of confidence may trust and be happy that they can complete tasks to a high standard, learn things quickly, or appear attractive to others. By definition, self-confidence means to trust or have faith in you. 

However, confidence can also be described as the way that we project ourselves to the outside world. We don't have to truly feel confident in our abilities, looks or capabilities in order to appear confident to others. Many people can portray an image to others of complete confidence while shaking with fear on the inside. This is an often used protection method used by many to cover up for a lack of self-esteem or other feelings about themselves that they would rather not acknowledge or show. 

Self-esteem or self-worth

Self-esteem or self-worth describe the way that you feel about yourself regardless of your achievements, looks or other things you may feel confident in. It is closely associated with self-respect and pride in your yourself. If you have high self-esteem you have a good or favourable opinion of yourself and are happy in your own skin. 

Self-esteem can be to do with the way that we rate or appraise ourselves against others. This can cover many desired things such as whether we think we are as attractive, intelligent, loveable, worthy or successful as others.

Having a low self-esteem can cause havoc with your mood. Feeling that we are worth less than others may lead us to strive for perfection but never feel we have achieved enough, or constantly trying to please others. Those with low self-esteem or low self-worth may feel depressed, guilty, low and they may try to prove their worth to others. They may avoid situations that could cause fear, anxiety or challenges they feel unable to cope with or conquer.

Self-image

Self-image can be explained as a mixture of the above (confidence and self-esteem). It encompasses the impressions you have of yourself, covering things like abilities, skills, looks, age, sex, intelligence, successes, career and more. It also covers how you feel about yourself and the impression you have of yourself.

The power of a positive mental attitude

"Whether you think you can or you can't, you're probably right" - Henry Ford

There are countless ways to improve your self-confidence and some may work better for you than others. The main principle to remember is that you need to truly believe in yourself in order to start making a difference to your confidence levels. It has been proven many times that if you lead with your thoughts then your body will follow. This can be seen in successful sports people, medical miracles, and in children who are usually more open about their self-belief.

Most self-confidence improvement techniques are based on the power of the mind and body to work in unison in order to achieve good results. A positive mental attitude will carry you through many obstacles by enabling you to do things, create change and heal yourself with the incredible power of your mind.

In contrast, a negative attitude will create negative actions, results, feelings and low self-confidence levels.

The beauty of any technique based on a positive mental attitude is that you don’t need to know the outcome of an action in order to be able to do it, you simply need to believe you can do it and your body will loyally follow the situation your mind has created for it. This may not always happen straight away and will take a lot of practice but is a proven technique that can produce (so called) miracles.