Tuesday, 10 February 2015

What is Life Coaching?

Over the years many people have asked me ‘so what is a life coaching’?
Luckily and to save me always talking about my passion, the magazines are full of articles that are in fact just that ‘Life coaching’
In a way coaching is different things to different people, some wish to enhance their workplace skills and performance, others wish to be able to feel and be more confident maybe address some low self-esteem feelings.
At a performance level coaching will enable you to focus, set appropriate goals and remain motivated. At an emotional level coaching will help you to understand yourself, your feelings and enable you to manage your reactions to stress and negativity .Remain positive and emotionally in control, building up an emotional resilience and plan a fulfilling happy life.
Who is likely to benefit from Coaching?
Well just about everybody who wishes to enhance their life and make the most of this one time opportunity. Maybe it is like knowing how the engine of your car works, or the ingredients in a recipe – if something isn’t quite right you have a good idea of how to make it better.
I have worked with people from all walks of life; they have come to me for a huge variety of different reasons. A young Lady wishing to prepare herself for University interviews, a chap having just been terribly hurt after the breakup of his relationship and wanting to not only get it right next time, but improve himself as a potential Husband, A young Lady Doctor experiencing massive stress in the workplace, struggling to say no and ending up doing all of the jobs while others laughed and joked having a great time.
Work life balance, low self-esteem, lacking in self-confidence, stress, struggling to say ‘NO’, feeling angry, fearing imposed changes. These are all very good reasons to feel unsettled and unhappy and also very good reasons to spend some time with a life coach.
So how is all of this done?
Generally you would start with a wheel of life, this basically breaks life in 10 different section and encourages you to score yourself in each section. A good place to start, because immediately you can see the lowest scores and any connections plus this potentially would be the areas to focus on.
Throughout your coaching it would be you who does the thinking and planning, your Coach is a facilitator, asking questions and posing scenarios that will make you think, finding the best answer for you from with-in.
From your wheel, I would ask you to consider ‘what would increase your score’? Trying to be realistic and avoid saying to win the lottery!!!!!
You’ll start at this point to keep a goal sheet.
We will then start looking at your core values, this is your personal emotional footprint – your core values if satisfied will bring you to a happy settled place , if crossed can make you feel angry, unhappy even depressed.
Once we have established you core values, we will set about looking at the action and activities that Honour or satisfy those values. It is logical that if you can do more of the things that deeply satisfy your sole, then you will be becoming a happier person. Likewise if you learn to avoid the things that cross your core values, you will be taking control emotionally and managing any stress or anger as a result.
We will also look at your ‘personality driver’ some people are big pleasers, others perfectionists – our work together will help you to understand which one of the five is your strongest at the same time the positive points of each type and of the development areas.
Both the core values and the personality drivers will give you thoughts and ideas to add to your goal sheet for future planning.
When you are armed with your full set of core values, drivers and goals sheet, we will start to work with your motivation and visualisation to be able to cement your desire to achieve your plans. Small tasks will be set along the way to prove that you can do it, we will also examine any beliefs that you hold that may limit your behaviour and the plans we are putting into place .No need to have anything holding you back!!!
If this is something that you fancy embarking upon, I would suggest that a typical coaching programme would be around six sessions, which possible would be over a six week period one session a week. The gap in between sessions gives you chance to work on the exercises and think about the changes that you wish to make.
Face to face, phone or skype are the norm, however on-line or blended learning is becoming popular, this method of coaching is via email personalised modules plus the opportunity to ask and be asked further questions.
To find out more please contact me on 07900197411 or by email niki@nikichalkley.com

Sunday, 4 January 2015

Self Esteem Vs Self Confidence

Self-esteem versus self-confidence - do you know the difference?

Which one do you have?

It's helpful to know the difference so you can figure out which one you may need to improve upon.

Are you even aware that self-confidence and self-esteem are different?

When we have self-confidence, we believe in ourselves and our ability to accomplish our goals.   

When we have self-esteem we value ourselves, we have self-respect and practise super self care.   


Many people are loud, opinionated, talk a lot and appear to  be confident but the truth is many of them are 'acting as if'. It is a mask to cover up their deep insecurities, fears, anxieties and lack of self worth. Many are masters of faking confidence. Yet when things go wrong they are crushed and often start drinking excessively, smoke, bite their nails, overeat or live on coffee and not eat at all.

Self-confidence acts as the backdrop in your life and is the foundation of success. Not only does it make you feel good about yourself but it also means you set larger goals and determine your own definition of success, rather than adopting than anyone else's.

Self-confidence affects your self-assurance self-judgment, positive self-image.

Self-confidence is the key to success in every area of your life. When you have self-confidence you do not feel ‘less than anyone else’. You get that you are perfectly imperfect and you build on what you have. Your know that your perception of yourself has a huge impact on how others perceive you. 

You show up, speak up, and stand up for what you believe in regardless of anyone else's views or opinions.


Self-esteem stems from our beliefs and our consciousness, therefore if you truly value yourself and believe you are worthy this will be expressed through your thoughts, behaviours, feelings and actions. Your self-esteem affects your self-worth, self-value and self-respect.

Having self-esteem means trusting yourself and not just treating other people well but treating yourself well also. It means focusing on positives, rather than negatives, and feeling worthy of good things happening. Taking care of your body and mind, and honouring yourself.

When you have high self-esteem you do not constantly compare yourself to anyone else, as you know that is insulting yourself. You focus on your strengths and assets and build upon them. You do not discount things that don't go as well as you had hoped, and when things do go well, you don't write it off as luck or give credit to others, you own your power and validate yourself.

Self-confidence and self-esteem

So I hope you are now clear that self-esteem is when you believe you are worthy and deserving to be successful and happy. Self-confidence is when you are not fearful to take risks and go for it as you feel talented, skilled, smart enough to go for it.

When you have both your life will change beyond your wildest dreams.  

You say: ‘I am who I am. Take me or leave me. If I don’t live up to your expectations, that means nothing to me. I accept myself, and if you don’t accept me, that’s your issue.’ and you go for it!

Monday, 8 December 2014

Solution Focused Thinking

SolutionFocused Thinking

As discussed before, our normal and first reaction to a situation that upsets us, is to think emotionally, such as - why me!  Not again! I can’t believe this!

We sometimes get paranoid or reflect inwardly thinking this is our fault, if only I hadn’t done………….

We sometimes become critical of others, remembering other things that may have happened.

Sometimes it is just blind rage!!

If we have worked together already, you will also know that this reaction has been created because one of your core values had been crossed or you are being forced due to an internal personality driver to cross a core value.

If we are talking about conflict resolution or anger management, we need to take a stepped approach.

1. Recognise the issue and NOT react.

2. Possibly take time out to do Logosynthesis, mindfulness and breathing exercises.

3. Look at solution focused questions - shift from thinking ‘me’ to thinking resolution.

4. Consider;

Put yourself in their shoes – why has this happened/motive? Do your very best to understand with logic. Don’t second guess maybe ask if necessary?

What is the impact?

Who can take responsibility to make a change?

What is the suitable action / who should take that action?

Take the action, or agree the action suggested by others.

Inspect what you expect.

Thursday, 9 October 2014

Catch up with Friends.

When did you last spend quality time with your Friends?
If the answer is several weeks ago, or worse still 'I can't remember'.
Call up a Friend and arrange to spend some time together.
Dont let Friendships slip into the background of your life,no matter how busy you are.

Wednesday, 11 June 2014

The Benefits to your body of having an alkaline PH level

How to Get Your Body in an Alkaline State

One of the many things I discovered during my quest to build a bionic immune system is that cancer flourishes in an acidic environment. Studies have shown that in a pH slightly above 7.4, cancer cells become dormant - and at a pH of 8.5 cancer cells will die while healthy cells will live. Maintaining the proper pH balance is also vital to preventing many other diseases and for general health. Also, people state that they feel physically and mentally better when their body is more alkaline.

Human blood must remain in a very narrow pH range (7.35-7.45) under all circumstances. If the pH ever varies from this range, cells stop functioning.

Fortunately the body has mechanisms in place that keep the pH in this safe range. One such mechanism is to extract alkaline minerals such as sodium, potassium, zinc, iron, and calcium from tissues, organs, bones, ligaments, and muscles. This keeps the blood pH stable but is not good for general health since the levels of these vital minerals can be lowered to an unhealthy degree. Moreover, when the body tissue becomes even somewhat acidic within the allowed range it creates a burden on the liver, kidneys, and heart and therefore stresses every cell in the body.

Acid-forming foods and stress create an acid residue in the tissues and organs that builds up over time and result in what people refer to as having an acidic body. Such a condition is a breeding ground for bacteria, viruses, and cancer. Fortunately there are many ways to completely reverse this problem, but only if you are aware of it. Thus it is important to test your body for excess acidity.

Dangers of pH Imbalance in the Body

As mentioned above, the risks of having an acidic pH are numerous:

  1. The body is unable to properly absorb vitamins,minerals, and supplements
  2. Cardiovascular problems can result.
  3. Causes immune deficiency.
  4. Stressed liver function.
  5. Low energy.
  6. Tumor growth.
  7. Yeast fungal/overgrowth.
  8. Can contribute to rheumatoid arthritis, diabetes, lupus, tuberculosis, osteoporosis, and high blood pressure.
  9. Lowers body's ability to repair damaged cells.
  10. Speeds up the aging process and makes a person look and feel older

How Do you Test the pH Balance in Your Body?

The pH scale ranges from 0 (highest acidic) to 14 (highest alkaline). A pH of 7 is considered neutral. The goal is to reach a reading higher than 7. The easiest way to test the PH is with a urine or saliva test that can be purchased at most pharmacies or health food stores. When using the saliva test make sure you don't eat or brush your teeth 30 minutes prior to the test, and make sure to swallow a few times before testing. The urine test is generally lower in the morning and gets higher in the evening so try to test twice a day. Read the instructions and match the results to the chart on the container. Be aware that the results can change throughout the day for any test, so measure it once in the morning and once in the evening and look for an overall trend.

How Do you Create a Perfect pH?

If you found the results from the urine test or saliva test were not optimal, the good news is that you can completely alter your body's pH by making a few simple changes.

  • Eliminate acidic beverages such as soda, alcohol, coffee, processed fruit drinks, and energy drinks.
  • Eat foods that are alkaline forming. It is of no surprise that this requires a diet with a heavy concentration of fruits and vegetables and little or no processed foods. Examples of alkaline forming foods are raw spinach, figs, mangoes, and almonds. Some examples of acidic forming foods are alcohol, caffeine, poultry, pasta, and cranberries. Here is a comprehensive list of foods to eat and foods to avoid.

The following website gives 74 examples of alkaline forming foods


This article was not written or researched by me - but by a woman who has survived breast cancer and spent her time researching and studying nutrition.
The subject is however of growing importance not only for illness but general health and wellbeing.