Tuesday, 10 February 2015

What is Life Coaching?

Over the years many people have asked me ‘so what is a life coaching’?
Luckily and to save me always talking about my passion, the magazines are full of articles that are in fact just that ‘Life coaching’
In a way coaching is different things to different people, some wish to enhance their workplace skills and performance, others wish to be able to feel and be more confident maybe address some low self-esteem feelings.
At a performance level coaching will enable you to focus, set appropriate goals and remain motivated. At an emotional level coaching will help you to understand yourself, your feelings and enable you to manage your reactions to stress and negativity .Remain positive and emotionally in control, building up an emotional resilience and plan a fulfilling happy life.
Who is likely to benefit from Coaching?
Well just about everybody who wishes to enhance their life and make the most of this one time opportunity. Maybe it is like knowing how the engine of your car works, or the ingredients in a recipe – if something isn’t quite right you have a good idea of how to make it better.
I have worked with people from all walks of life; they have come to me for a huge variety of different reasons. A young Lady wishing to prepare herself for University interviews, a chap having just been terribly hurt after the breakup of his relationship and wanting to not only get it right next time, but improve himself as a potential Husband, A young Lady Doctor experiencing massive stress in the workplace, struggling to say no and ending up doing all of the jobs while others laughed and joked having a great time.
Work life balance, low self-esteem, lacking in self-confidence, stress, struggling to say ‘NO’, feeling angry, fearing imposed changes. These are all very good reasons to feel unsettled and unhappy and also very good reasons to spend some time with a life coach.
So how is all of this done?
Generally you would start with a wheel of life, this basically breaks life in 10 different section and encourages you to score yourself in each section. A good place to start, because immediately you can see the lowest scores and any connections plus this potentially would be the areas to focus on.
Throughout your coaching it would be you who does the thinking and planning, your Coach is a facilitator, asking questions and posing scenarios that will make you think, finding the best answer for you from with-in.
From your wheel, I would ask you to consider ‘what would increase your score’? Trying to be realistic and avoid saying to win the lottery!!!!!
You’ll start at this point to keep a goal sheet.
We will then start looking at your core values, this is your personal emotional footprint – your core values if satisfied will bring you to a happy settled place , if crossed can make you feel angry, unhappy even depressed.
Once we have established you core values, we will set about looking at the action and activities that Honour or satisfy those values. It is logical that if you can do more of the things that deeply satisfy your sole, then you will be becoming a happier person. Likewise if you learn to avoid the things that cross your core values, you will be taking control emotionally and managing any stress or anger as a result.
We will also look at your ‘personality driver’ some people are big pleasers, others perfectionists – our work together will help you to understand which one of the five is your strongest at the same time the positive points of each type and of the development areas.
Both the core values and the personality drivers will give you thoughts and ideas to add to your goal sheet for future planning.
When you are armed with your full set of core values, drivers and goals sheet, we will start to work with your motivation and visualisation to be able to cement your desire to achieve your plans. Small tasks will be set along the way to prove that you can do it, we will also examine any beliefs that you hold that may limit your behaviour and the plans we are putting into place .No need to have anything holding you back!!!
If this is something that you fancy embarking upon, I would suggest that a typical coaching programme would be around six sessions, which possible would be over a six week period one session a week. The gap in between sessions gives you chance to work on the exercises and think about the changes that you wish to make.
Face to face, phone or skype are the norm, however on-line or blended learning is becoming popular, this method of coaching is via email personalised modules plus the opportunity to ask and be asked further questions.
To find out more please contact me on 07900197411 or by email niki@nikichalkley.com

Sunday, 4 January 2015

Self Esteem Vs Self Confidence

Self-esteem versus self-confidence - do you know the difference?

Which one do you have?

It's helpful to know the difference so you can figure out which one you may need to improve upon.

Are you even aware that self-confidence and self-esteem are different?

When we have self-confidence, we believe in ourselves and our ability to accomplish our goals.   

When we have self-esteem we value ourselves, we have self-respect and practise super self care.   


Many people are loud, opinionated, talk a lot and appear to  be confident but the truth is many of them are 'acting as if'. It is a mask to cover up their deep insecurities, fears, anxieties and lack of self worth. Many are masters of faking confidence. Yet when things go wrong they are crushed and often start drinking excessively, smoke, bite their nails, overeat or live on coffee and not eat at all.

Self-confidence acts as the backdrop in your life and is the foundation of success. Not only does it make you feel good about yourself but it also means you set larger goals and determine your own definition of success, rather than adopting than anyone else's.

Self-confidence affects your self-assurance self-judgment, positive self-image.

Self-confidence is the key to success in every area of your life. When you have self-confidence you do not feel ‘less than anyone else’. You get that you are perfectly imperfect and you build on what you have. Your know that your perception of yourself has a huge impact on how others perceive you. 

You show up, speak up, and stand up for what you believe in regardless of anyone else's views or opinions.


Self-esteem stems from our beliefs and our consciousness, therefore if you truly value yourself and believe you are worthy this will be expressed through your thoughts, behaviours, feelings and actions. Your self-esteem affects your self-worth, self-value and self-respect.

Having self-esteem means trusting yourself and not just treating other people well but treating yourself well also. It means focusing on positives, rather than negatives, and feeling worthy of good things happening. Taking care of your body and mind, and honouring yourself.

When you have high self-esteem you do not constantly compare yourself to anyone else, as you know that is insulting yourself. You focus on your strengths and assets and build upon them. You do not discount things that don't go as well as you had hoped, and when things do go well, you don't write it off as luck or give credit to others, you own your power and validate yourself.

Self-confidence and self-esteem

So I hope you are now clear that self-esteem is when you believe you are worthy and deserving to be successful and happy. Self-confidence is when you are not fearful to take risks and go for it as you feel talented, skilled, smart enough to go for it.

When you have both your life will change beyond your wildest dreams.  

You say: ‘I am who I am. Take me or leave me. If I don’t live up to your expectations, that means nothing to me. I accept myself, and if you don’t accept me, that’s your issue.’ and you go for it!